SLAM Magazine (behind the scenes)

After months of phone messages, emails, tweets, friend requests, pokes and super pokes, I have finally been granted an interview with the creative genius that is, SLAM magazine.  They are the voice of young kids everywhere.  Finding ways to connect with the worlds youth unlike anyother publication of its kind.  Growing up, my friends and I would beg our parents to buy it for us each month.  My walls were coverd with carefully cutout pictures from every issue.  I used to make my grandmother refer to me only as, Dr. Slammy.  I am very excited about this chance to take a peek behind the curtain of SLAM.

First of all big ups on returning my celly calls.  I was bugging so hard cause I thought you were avoidin' me, straight up.  Um, yeah, no problem.

My first Q is basically off the chain, and I think you be agreein'.  What kind of whip do you push, and how fresh to def is it?  On a scale on wizzon to tizzen.  Those are personal questions that have nothing to do with the magazine.  You also don't have to talk to me like that just because I'm black, you sound like a moron.

Wait... what? You are?  Oh, Geez dude, sorry but I didnt even notice, I don't see colors, only people.  That's how I talk with my friends.  I thought we were friends.  I guess not.  So I guess you don't care that I drive a Mitsubishi Elantra?  Listen man, youre gonna need to hurry this up I've got my lunch break in ten minutes.

In your magazine, amongst the cars, baggy clothes and earrings, the models are also carrying a basketball.  All the other male fashion magazines I know of, don't have any basketballs in their photos, why do you?  There seems to be some confusion here.  Slam magazine is a basketball publication, we run stories on all aspects of basketball culture.  Those photos you are referring to are of actual basketball players, most of them NBA superstars.

I guess that makes sense with the whole basketballs in the photo thing.  I have to admit, I've never actually read your articles, I only look at the pretty pictures.  So lets say I want to work on my jump shot or learn the intricacies of the triangle offense, which issue do you cover that in?  I can't quite recall, however we do have a excititng new feature coming up on our web site.  It is called "Twitter your way into the NBA."  It's basketball tips given at 140 charachters a pop.  We cover all the latest cell phones in our magazine, and if you purchase one and sign up with us, we will send you "twitter" messages to your phone.  For example, "dnt look at ball, keep eyez up 2 c bsket n other plyrs, ya dig?" It is going to revolutionize the game.

I can totally see that.  Here is my final quiestion.  The other day I was going to go lift weights and get up 250 jumpers.  But the bench press kept knocking my hat off, then, whenever I dribbled through my legs the ball kept getting stuck in my shorts.  I thought, what would SLAM do in this situation?  I''m glad you asked.  We ran a story last month called "When Are Shorts Pants?"  The quick answer is never.  If you are having trouble drbbling the ball between your legs, just stop and hold the ball on your hip.  Make sure your shoes are brand new and limited edition.  Then stand around  with a pissed off look on your face (preferably with a cool car in the background.)  The NBA scouts will come running, and literally throwing money at you. 

Well, thank you for your time.  This has been really helpfull to me and I am sure to the millions of kids dreaming of playing in the NBA.  I look forward to the next issue of SLAM.  No problem Hercules Dragonwarrior, thank you.

You Tube Sensation to Sign Proffesionaly in Australia?

Garrett Steinger grew up dreaming of playing in the NBA like so many young children do. There was not a day that went by in his young life that he didn't spend working on his game. When most kids his age were eating chips and playing video games, lil' Garret could be seen at the town park practising his lay-ups by moonlight.

As Garrett got older it was clear that he had a gift, and that gift was basketball. Anyone who saw him play would have sworn that he had sold his soul to the devil. The way he could handle the ball and lay it up on the fast break was something few had seen before. People came from as far as two counties over to watch him work his roundball magic.

It wasn't long until the college scouts started showing up. NAIA division two, NAIA division three, you name it, they were all there. Garrett had the world at his feet and he knew it. His parents urged him to go to college but he had bigger plans. Even though he was projected to go early to late seventeenth round, Steinger signed an agent, bought himself an Escalade and declared himself eligible for the NBA.

When draft day came and went without anyone even mentioning Steingers name, he was devastated. It seemed his carreer was over. That was until his dad put a video of him playing in the local mens league on YouTube. The video has become a viral sensation already notching up 120, 267 views at the time of this article.  International scouts worlwide have studied it.

My sources say several Australian teams have already contacted Steinger for the up coming 2010/11 season. There web site (http://www.nbl.com.au/) makes no mention of him yet, but look for some news regarding this in the next couple days.

From the shattered dream of the NBA to the beacon of hope that is the NBL. Good luck Steinger, the world is watching.

Exclusive Interview with NBA Live creators

This is a top secret interview exclusive to this blog.  My buddy Jacko knows a guy named Dave who interns at EA sports.  I sideled up to him at a local coffee shop and asked him a few questions.

Dave, Thanks for your time.  What is it that you do at EA sports exactly? Well I mostly get coffee and shit like that.  They don't really let me do much with the actual video game. I do play it alot though.

Great, I also have played the game before. I usually play with the Seattle Supersonics, my favorite part is when Shawn Kemp jumps in the air and goes "BOOM-SHAK-ALAKA!" Will there be more or less of that in this years game?  Your talking about NBA JAM not NBA LIVE. 

That is unfortunate, I have like four more questions about Shawn Kemp.  Anyway, I guess I will just move on.  How can you possibly keep improving the game year in and year out?  That is a good question.  It does get more and more difficult to improve, although this year we feel the game will have significant improvements concerning authenticity.

Can you elaborate on that Dave?  Well I was making some copies and I overheard a board meeting between the creators.  From what I could hear, they want to dig deeper into what it means to be an NBA superstar.  For example this year, during each game, there is a new feature called the "inflated sense of self-o-meter."  The more points you score and the better your dunks, the higher your meter goes.  Once your meter reaches "maximum inflation" you get a new tattoo.  Your choices are "The World Is Mine," "All Eyes On Me" and "Chosen One." 

Any other features that will be new to the franchise?  This is just a rumor, but I have heard that in career mode your total earnings, including bonuses and endorsements, will be tallied and put into a trust fund, benefitting your illegitamate children.

Now one of my favorite features has always been creating your own player.  Will there be any changes in that regard?  Well again in keeping with the authenticity theme, we have eliminated the option of choosing "white" for your skin color.  You can choose "european" or even "light skinned black guy" but not white.

I want to thank you for you time Dave.  Congratulations on being a part of this ground breaking game, and good luck in your future endevors.  No problem, now please leave me alone.